I met the most important woman in my life when I was 21 years old, and immediately I was concerned that she may be my wife. She and I dated for a year and six months, I proposed, and we were married six months later on August 13th 2016. I wanted to share something about my woman on our 1st anniversary, I wanted to express that she has been a continual giver of support, grace, and help. She has been what some people know as a “Ride or Die”. She sacrificed some things to be with me, and has walked with me through the struggles I brought into the marriage.
Becoming A Blended Family
So just how much did she give up? How much did she sacrifice? Well…. a week before our wedding I got a summoning in the mail for Establishing Child Support for my then six year old son. I remember immediately going to the steps of my apartment and crying. I felt like it wasn’t fair, and I hated that I had brought her into this as well. I didn’t even know how to tell her. We were not even married yet and would now have to prepare for something that causes many divorces (Please read my blog “3 Reasons Why I Embrace Child Support”). My woman had already graduated from college and was now a graduate student. Marrying an uneducated man with “babymama” drama is not exactly what most women ask for. When she married me, we became a blended family and the child support order made us feel that reality big time. But get this… she never regretted me, nor did she make me feel like I ruined her life (something I repeatedly said to her). She told me that she would be with me through this, and that we would be ok.
When I saw the need to protect my parenting rights, I filed for joint custody & visitation rights. She would encourage me as I looked up the laws and filled out all the papers. She even came to court with me, facing the public embarrassment of family court. I was overwhelmed when I looked over and saw her still next to me. It hurt me, and I was sorry that she had to go through that with me. But even when she was shaken, she never stopped giving me her support.
Changing Our Future Focus
But what else did she give up? How about a $2000 Imac computer, a video camera, and her future goals. Our apartment was burglarized not even a full month after we got married. And it wasn’t just because we were two unlucky victims, but it also was because it was my decision to move to an urban, high crime, and impoverished neighborhood. I made a call as the leader of our home that we would move to a context that I felt God was calling me to engage, and frankly we got burned not even a full month in. I wish people could have seen my wife standing at the bottom of our stairs with nothing but a knife in her hand because she thought the burglars might still be upstairs. Can you believe she didn’t wanna move? Like who is this woman? She didn’t let the break in cause her to fear, if anything I was the one paranoid moving forward lol. She accepted that I valued historical contributions and experiences of African-Americans, and that I felt indebted to engaging present core concerns and challenges of African-Americans. She joins me in making this “our” focus.
I summed these things and many other events and came to the conclusion that my wife didn’t just want to care for me, but she wanted to be my “Ride or Die”. A “Ride or Die” by urban definition is someone who will “ride” with you or “die” trying. I learned our first year that’s what kind of wife I have. I love her so much for it, and I hope every man can have a wife who will be that for him.